WHAT? I swear he was a never-nude!

I don't even like peta. I just love David Cross with all my heart. "I'm going to hunt his parents down and spit on one of them."
^marry me.

Creative Writing Class: Joe Matt (L)

Oh hi Earth Hour, my lights are dead, joo'know?

You better have turned them off. I swear to god.

If this doesn't scare you, there's something wrong with you.

I show people clips of this movie to make them fall in love with me.

Not to brag or anything, but I sat through the worst movie of all time. Tommy Wiseau wrote, directed, and starred in the movie "THE ROOM". Tommy Wiseau originally compared this movie to the works of Tennessee Williams (and spelt his name wrong on a poster). Once people started criticizing this movie and asked for their money back, Tommy declared this movie to be "dark humour".

There are screenings of this movie in California at the end of each month. And, Tommy Wiseau is there, of course. People are open to throw food at the screen, throw footballs around, and yell whatever they want - as long as it does not hurt anyone. This movie started out as a book, which Tommy could not get published, because it is, well, shit. This also happened with a playwright. This movie cost Tommy about 6 million dollars; many people walked out, and it was only in theaters for about two weeks. Thus, this left Tommy to receive two thousand back.



Not only does this movie have: horrible acting,



a sad excuse for a script,



the constant use of the phrase "oh hi ____", as well as the aforementioned chicken noises; it is also the easiest way to make friends. In fact, the only reason people have wanted to hang out with me this march break was so they could watch it. ...:(


It's pretty much the worst movie of all time. And I'm madly in love with it, and I really can't comprehend why people would walk out of this film. Really, this man was so serious about the writing and everything. The actors and script supervisor had to make many changes to the script because it made absolutely no sense.

To sum up this shitastical movie, Tommy Wiseau plays Johnny, who is with a woman named Lisa. After many awkward and unexplainable events, we learn that Lisa is cheating on Johnny with his best friend, Mark. Johnny finds this out at his surprise birthday party and then results in killing himself - this the funniest part of the movie. I'd usually feel bad about ruining about the end of a movie, but really, this has just ruined itself. So ANYWAYS, in one of the final scenes, where Johnny has locked himself in the washroom from Lisa after finding out she cheated, she tells him to come out, he yells to her "In a minute, bitch." This was of course, supposed to be serious. However, all the actors on set had to try to hold in their laughter. After, Tommy Wiseau came out and asked what was so funny. I don't really know where I'm going with this, but all I'm really trying to say is, this... this movie... must be watched. It's a beautiful cult classic that will make you die of laughter just because it's supposed to be so serious.


Oh hi movie poster!




note: as surprising as this is, my brother helped me with most of the information. This is one of the very few thing he knows a lot about, so I'm forced to give him credit. Thanks for letting this beautiful movie into my life.
OH HI MATTHEW!


...and if this crappy review didn't win you over, you get to see Tommy Wiseau's ass in the movie!

Creative Writing Class: Smells like Teen Spirit.

It's classic. Never changes. We think we're original. But we all say "legit"and "that's what she said". We all listen to the same things. I don't know a person who doesn't know all the words to "I Love College". We all hate the government - when we know absolutely nothing about politics. We've all become atheists. We all want to legalize marijuana. We all think we're so funny when we repeat the same jokes. We all wear the same clothes; hey there Hollister, Abecrombie&Fitch, TNA, American Eagle. Or, we become the kids that dye our hair black, smoke in the corner, wear all black and band t-shirts to music we think no one knows about and this makes us feel cooler. We go out with our boyfriends...and their friends who hate us. We take pictures and upload them to Facebook. We all admit to our love for music. We'll grow up to be obese. We believe we love our high school sweethearts, and try to change them from their player ways. And they'll say they change, but deep down they know we'll always be used. We dance. We laugh. We play. We'll ignore every message given to us by teachers, but reply to every message given to us through our cells. We will have the older generations calling us stupid and useless. Saying we're getting dumber and dumber. We constantly talk of alcohol, drugs and sex, because that's all we know. We suffer from anxiety and depression. We lack in self-esteem. We want to change the world. But we won't. It's classic. Never changes.

a.

According to society:
When you're higher than high, you become lower than low.

Creative Writing Class: Good ol' days.

Once upon a time, there lived two absolutely wonderful 11 year old girls named Katherine and Shawna. Seeing how these girls had no friends since the fourth grade except for each other, they would spend their time making home videos. One Saturday afternoon (because Fridays were spent at Shawna's; and Saturday's were spent at Katherine's) they were at Katherine's. And the two decided to make a home video. Shawna decided to record herself putting make-up on Katherine. And because Shawna took make-up lessons and would grow up to be a model - Katherine believed she would do a good job. After recording Katherine's attempt at cart wheels (when she didn't even know how to do a somersault), and Shawna talking about the Queen for about fifteen minutes, they proceeded in filming the make-up thang. Well, Shawna knew that the Johnny Depp look was very in, so she took Katherine's eyeliner and made a beard and a mustache. She decided to add her own personal touch to it and give her a unibrow as well. She then remembered the whore look was also very in. She gave Katherine a good douse of blue eyeshadow from lid to brow - and a bit past that - on each eye. As well as a lipstick that was in a shape inspired by the Joker. Orange foundation went all over her face and bright, bright red blush went on her cheeks; it really brought out the lipstick on her braces. Katherine saw how beautiful she'd become. She was so beautiful that she decided not to take off this lovely look for the entire day. They grew up (not mentally, of course) and watched these videos just a few months ago and regained respect for each other. And lived happily ever after.

the end.

Live.

It's been a while since we last talked.
Remember the times we competed with our amounts of deoderants?
Remember our sword fights with the ones from Dollarama? The foam kind?
Remember the time we sat on the lawn and picked grass?
Remember the times we picked up that stray and hid it for days?
Remember the times we painted our faces in reds and blues?
I said it'll always remind me of you.
Remember the times we stayed up all night on the phone?
Remember the time you broke my heart?
Remember when weirdness was cute?
It's been a while since we last talked.

Never again will I look at a sneeze the same. So grotty.